My kids go to their dad in the school holidays. Darcy kids are here every second week and for half of school holidays. My arrangement was well in place before his and I figured out early on in the piece that we needed to sync the kids school holidays not only for them but for us too. If we didn’t it would have possibly meant that our kids would never get a Christmas together. With the synchronised shares parenting we get every second Christmas and it’s great! Not failing to mention the 5 weeks we get with no kids at all. We need this, for ourself, our relationship our marriage. We recharge and refresh and begin again.
We also miss them terribly when they are gone, my ovaries kick me REALLY hard every time I walk past a baby isle with super cute tiny onesies and have no kids at home. I cry occasionally, because I miss them but I don’t let them know that. I want them to have a blast, make new friends, see new things and be happy with their other family. It’s not my turn. I know they are missing me too, but secretly hope they are being kept busy enough not to notice.
My three kids are old pro’s at changeover they were only 2, 5 and 6 the first time they went. Two whole weeks they were gone and it was the longest time they had been away from me in their whole lives. They don’t cry when they say goodbye to me they never have. I attribute that to the build up. A few weeks out we start. How cool is it going to be at dads? What do you think you’ll do? Who do you think you’ll see? Over enthusiastic questions in an excitable voice. Changeover would come and we would say goodbye. They would wave and go happily. Once they were out of sight. THEN and only then would cry. Full on rip your heart out ugly cry!!
Our changeovers have also changed locations over the years. Initially it was the Kmart car park in Alice Springs. Then it was Barkley homestead on the Barkley tablelands NT. Now it’s the airport. To this day I HATE the Kmart car park and the negative memories it brings back. I asked the kids about 2 weeks ago thinking it may have negativity for them too. Nothing! Which was the best anyone could hope for. I must be doing something right.
I’m not sure how we managed it, but Darcy’s kids had never been with is for a fly out day, only pick up day. So when it happened I hadn’t prepared for it. Me or them! I was building up my kids in preparation to go, but didn’t even think about how his kids would go with the experience. There was tears. Lots of them. Me, my kids, his girls, it was horrible!! I felt horrible. Needless to say we learnt from the experience and adjusted the process.
When they fly they are unaccompanied Minors, even though Mickalee is over the age requirement, we still pay unaccompanied for her so that she is guaranteed to be seated with the other 2 kids. Only Qantas offer the unaccompanied Minor service and more often than not they are more expensive for tickets. I pay $50 per child, regardless of the flight length. Flying unaccompanied also means that they are last to board the plane. Once they boarded you also have to wait until the plane has taken off before you can leave the airport. So this means I get to full on ugly cry at the airport now in front of complete strangers. So fun!
So today!!! Is fly out day!!! I’m tired and need a rest, so I’m looking forward to that. I’m looking forward to only washing for 2 people 🤣. But this fly out day is going to be long and emotionally draining because it’s a late flight. It’s also broken up this time. Darcy’s eldest Lachlan has decided he wants to go to Grandma and Granddad for Christmas so he flys at lunchtime. My guys are going to Darwin but the flights not until 4. So 2 airport trips and the possibility of two meltdowns from me!!
So this morning I sit here and watch dumb cartoons because he just wants to be close. I don’t ask why-I already know, but we don’t say it!!
Happy Fly out day!!
Love MUM x
3Plus5 