I didn’t know it at the time, but later in life I realised that I grew up in a family of one uppers. Not my immediate family, but my extended family.
Don’t get my wrong, not everyone can be a winner all the time and will admit I have also probably been guilty of being a one upper myself from time to time. I’m also aware of it and try to stop myself if I can see it happening.
As a kid I couldn’t even get sick or have a mild ailment without someone having it worse. A bad blood nose was once met with a dire “we had to deal with a 24 hour one once”. When I had operations on my eyes and nose, a cousin was dying of unexplained terminal Illness, that magically disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.
Unsplash – Olga Guryanova
I’m bringing up this topic because it’s toxic. If someone comes to you to share news be it good OR bad, think about your answer. How would you feel if you shared something, would you like your response?
A friend of mine saved with her husband and bought a new car. She confided in me after she shared her news. I was the only person out of everyone they told that was happy and excited for them. Comments included, can you afford it? Why did you get that car? Oh, we are getting a new car too.
Unsplash – Joey Banks
Another friend lost a lost of weight. After four kids, she finally started focusing on herself and worked extremely hard to reach her goals. Again her achievement wasn’t met with encouragement or happiness from anyone but me. She even got told to stop loosing weight because and I quote “I don’t want to be the fattest person in the family photo.”
Unsplash – Jennifer Burk
I couldn’t even leave my husband without it happening. I got a message from someone I used to be extremely close to and it said “you’ll be right, we all have our own drama’s.” Needless to say I was gobsmacked. What were they getting at? Where they having a go at me? Or does it say more about them?
Unsplash – Charles
I couldn’t even have my babies in peace. The day after my first baby, I got one upped by a category 5 cyclone. Not quiet the same thing, totally unavoidable but I felt ripped off just the same. Lol. My second I was one upped by a school reunion (not mine). My third was one upped by an interstate move. All of which could have been prioritised a little differently.
Unsplash – Luma Pimentel
How would you feel if after telling someone your bag got stolen they replied with, “oh that’s nothing, Peters house got broken into.” This could still be mentioned, but maybe after some sympathy and enquires on if they got their belongings back.
Being one upped after something positive happens in your life takes the shine away. You don’t get to enjoy the achievement the same way.
A one upper after something negative, isolates you. A problem shared is meant to be a problem halved.
Do you know a one upper? Or are you one?
It’s not too late.
Bec
3Plus5 