If you’re like me teenagers are a relatively new chapter for you and your winging it. HARD. Just like all the stages that came before this one you pull from your own experience, talk to your friends and family. Some of you may even reach out for resources on MR Google. Let’s face it we were all teenagers ourselves once. A long, long, long time ago.

Being a teen and going through puberty is already hard. Then on top of that our kids have the added dynamics of instant information in the palm of your hand as well as social media. The school yard was a nightmare and a half for me already without having to negotiate social media on top of it. Who’s streaking who? Who’s group chatting with who? Who is being left out? Who’s asking for nudes? And who is sending them! See! Hard! I don’t profess to be any kind of expert on the subject but what I do have to say may help bring a little less drama at your place.

1. If you wouldn’t put it on your wall or story. Don’t send it in a PM!

I have already written about teens and social media here, this is just in addition with that. Just be reminded that any rule or boundary you do set for your teen. They will push it. It’s their job, so still monitor what they are sending and who they are sending it to.

We didn’t really structure this as a rule but it is more like a constant reminder. We don’t condone bullying in anyway and I think this helps with that. If you are actually a bully, you don’t want people to know you are one. So it’s often done behind closed doors or in PM’s. So if you wouldn’t say it on your wall, don’t send it in a message. This was also a useful reminder when we had a talk about sexting. If you wouldn’t want hundreds or even worse thousands to see it. Don’t let one person see it.

2. Encourage Sleep.

Half the time a teen can’t explain what kind of mood they are even in, let alone why. Happy and laughing one minute, brooding and teary the next. At our place the mood of often exaggerated when they have had a late night, a big day or a sleepover. Common denominator- Tired! Teens need a routine as much as babies and toddlers. Set a discussed bed time and stick to it, let them sleep in on weekends and remove devices from their bedrooms on school night and eliminate the temptation. How much energy are they using to grow boobs, bits and body hair? If you want to read more about suggested sleep times, I found this page useful.

3. Normalise Sex

Sex isn’t weird, or grose or taboo in our house, obviously it’s still private but discussing it has been normalised. Don’t misunderstand what I meaning when I say that either. We don’t discuss our personal sex lives with our kids, but we do talk about sex in general. It’s a part of life and it’s normal. We joke about things and try to lighten the subject. (Dinners ready, stop googling boob pictures and come and eat).

Having kids of varying ages also makes this a little tricky sometimes, questions asked by a 15 year old for example can’t be answered in front of 5 year old. So you have to be sure to let your teens know, your not avoiding the subject out of embarrassment, but your avoiding it because there is a time and a place. Same with any subject, age appropriate answers for age appropriate questions.

We sat our older kids down and watched educational videos on puberty, human reproduction and sex, in addition to what they learnt in health class at school. They giggled the whole way through laughing at each other’s reactions. It was quiet an amusing afternoon and I’m sure they will talk about it in year to come.

The average age that a teen looses their virginity is 16 and like most things, if you tell a kid not to do something, chances are that is all they will want to do. I’m not saying to push your kid or encourage sex at a young age. What I am saying though is make yourself their non-judgemental safe place. Need contraception? no worries let’s go get it. As a parent you need to know that it is going to happen with or without your permission, so your better off supporting them, so they do it safely.

Hop Design-Unsplash

Again, I’m not an expert of any kind but this is working well for us.

-Bec