Are you in? Or are you out?

My kids realised yesterday that their dad hasn’t called or text them since June. I don’t limit/schedule call times for him and the kids and I never have. He is welcome to call them anytime. My only request was that he is not to call in the mornings during the week because it’s hectic getting everyone ready for school and out the door. The kids even have their own phones now and he still doesn’t call. The kids can call him if they want to, but they don’t. I’m not sure why. When I asked them, they answer with I don’t know. I put it down to the fact that having their own phones is relatively new to them, so they probably just don’t think about it. I also know he is the adult not them. When they are with him, it is me who calls.

The kids missed their scheduled visit in June/July due to unpaid maintenance (if he can’t afford his financial obligations *$9per day* when they aren’t there how can he possibly afford them when they are there?) It was my call and I know in my heart it was the right call to make. He told the kids last time they spoke he was working now and would catch up. Nothing has happened.

In recent months he has signed passport paperwork for me to get the kids passports. We were planning an overseas holiday, that is now on pause but that’s a whole other story. When they arrived I messaged him a picture of the kids holding them and made sure I thanked him. He replied. I then gave him dates of the next school holidays and asked if his financial situation had improved because the kids really want to go and visit and I got no response.

I’m tired of being the only adult in this “relationship” I use that term loosely.

I’m tired of being the bearer of bad news when he doesn’t hold up his end of the bargain.

I’m tired of making excuses for him.

I’m tired of providing substitutes and extras to ease the let down.

I’m tired of trying to fix things at the last minute.

I’m tired of the kids being jacked up and knocked down.

I’m tired of trying to make someone be a parent when they have obviously moved on to their other kids and new life. Last time I checked it wasn’t an optional subscription to use “when you remember“.

I’m tired of watching him get to wear the super parent cape, if and when he decides to participate.

I get the sick days, the tears, the tantrums and the triumphs. We put in the hours and while we wouldn’t have it any other way. Someone else gets the glory.

How hard is a phone call?

Surely this is viewed as some kind of emotional abuse on the kids, the constant teetering on the edge not knowing.

Are you in? Or are you out?